On the 35th day, I found myself at a wine bar with friends. As far as curb appeal goes, this particular wine bar is top-notch; beckoning patrons off the street with cool music, hip décor, and a trendy urban ambiance fit for a modish night on the town. On this night, however, I found the patrons themselves to be lacking in style, decorum, and coolness. From what I could discern, most of these wine drinkers seemed to have over-imbibed and appeared to be stumbling over each other, and themselves, in a desperate attempt to avoid going home alone.
The bathrooms looked as if an all-day outdoor festival had taken place and the patrons I observed were certainly to blame. Toilet paper was carelessly strewn all over the floor and toilet, puddles of spilled alcohol engulfed the heels of my shoes, and the unmistakable smell of fresh vomit wafted from the sink. I believe I even spotted some tiny, delicious little chunks of someone’s dinner clinging to the drain. Even after washing my hands three times with soap and water, I still failed to feel completely clean.
Fortunately, I was able to get past all of this in order to enjoy my friends. That is, until I realized it was 11:37pm and I still had not done my meditation. When I realized I would never make it home in time to complete my chanting before midnight no matter how quickly I drove, I panicked. Frantically, my mind raced as I attempted to devise options for myself. Nothing came to mind. And then, one of my friends recommended, “I think you should just go in the bathroom.”
Sadly, she was right. I had nowhere else to go.
Since the ladies’ room was occupied and I was in a hurry, I hesitantly entered the men’s room and shut and locked the door. Very quickly, I toyed with the thought of sitting on the toilet, but I was afraid my pants would permanently stick to it and I would have to leave them behind. So, with nostrils struggling to keep the putrid air out, rather than invite it in, I stood against the wall and began to chant my meditation.
I cannot say with any degree of certainty how much time elapsed. All I know is that I scurried hastily out of there when I heard a clumsy, thunderous knock on the door, crashing against the locked doorknob, and a man screaming, “Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyy, whooooosseee innnnnnneeee thaaaaaaiiiiiiirrrrrrr??????” It caused me to feel weird and dirty as it awakened me to the reality of my gross surroundings.
Still, I felt a huge sense of relief and accomplishment; not unlike the usual relief and accomplishment one might experience when exiting the restroom. I had done it! Day 35 of my meditation was a success. Never mind that my shoes were sticking to the floor now as I walked. I managed to meditate before midnight. And, as my personal revenge, I entered the address for the wine bar into the “Sit or Squat” application of my iPhone and tagged the bathroom as a definite “squat!”
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