Being present only in the moment is often incredibly difficult to master. We are so inextricably tied to our pasts - manipulating story after story to identify ourselves, justify who we are to others, and explain how we got to this place. We cling to thoughts and expectations of our futures - setting goals, making plans, and envisioning how we want our lives to turn out (as if there is some mystical endpoint that, once arrived at, will make whatever we are going through right now worth the journey).
Even during meditation, it is sometimes very challenging to keep the mind focused only on the right here and right now. I have found, however, that there are times in my life when I am nowhere near a yoga mat and I am immersed completely (almost helplessly) in the present moment without even the most remote possibility of allowing my mind to wander in the direction of the past or the future.
Embarrassingly, these moments occur when I am speaking or thinking in Spanish. Sadly, it is because my knowledge and mastery of this beautiful language is inadequate, thereby rendering me incapable of talking or thinking about my past or my future despite my most sincere efforts to the contrary. You see, when I studied Spanish in school, I paid faithful attention to the present tense use of most of the important verbs, but I neglected to absorb the correct conjugation of the verbs in order to express past or future tense. So, in essence, when I am speaking or thinking in Spanish, my past and future (because I am unable to express them) cease to exist.
I realized this the other day while feebly attempting to have a conversation in Spanish. I could quite easily express, "I eat. I sleep. I dream." Oddly, I realized that I had no idea how to express, "I ate. I will eat. I slept. I will sleep. I dreamt. I will dream." I was shocked to conclude that my understanding of Spanish vocabulary and grammar is so limited that I can't even describe what I was doing yesterday, an hour ago, or even a few moments prior. More alarming still, I was dismayed to discover that I am incapable of even having any goals in Spanish. If I can't explain where I came from or where I'm going, how can I even know who I am in Spanish?
That's when it hit me - the startling revelation that, in Spanish, all I have is the present. Apparently, one of the most effective ways to get out of my own head and exist only in the current moment is like trying to speak an unfamiliar language. If we can let go of all the words, phrases, adjectives, and nouns that we're used to, we might just be able to let go of so many of the thoughts that distract us from being here, now.
Am I suggesting that we learn a foreign language? Sure, why not? But, even deeper than that, I'm suggesting that we work on breaking old habits and adopting newer, healthier ones. We need to push ourselves to let go of the familiar and immerse ourselves in the unfamiliar for a little while, which is what we do during our 90 minutes of yoga. If just sitting still and meditating on the sound of our own breath makes us feel as uncomfortable as trying to express ourselves in another language, then we know we are taking a step in the right direction; without, of course, taking any steps.
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